Episode Transcript:
Christina Chartrand:
Hi, this is Christina Chartrand and we are with LIFE Conversations, another episode. David, we haven't been doing this for like, I don't know, it feels like a while.
David Chandler:
Yeah, we've missed sharing and we've had a lot of exciting things going on at Senior Helpers continuing to just be out there and changing the world of home care.
Christina Chartrand:
But we are excited to get back and started. We have a couple of episodes that we're recording, and I am so excited to talk about our feature, our special guest today, Kelli Bradley. I've known her for—my God—a long time, at least 18 years. Yep. And she actually used to be a Senior Helpers business owner and then left.
Kelli Bradley:
Yes.
Christina Chartrand:
And started a new company. How long have you been doing Devoted Daughter?
Kelli Bradley:
It's been eight years now.
Christina Chartrand:
Yeah, so I feel like it's been a long time. And I've been wanting—since we started LIFE Conversations—been wanting to get Kelli on the podcast, because she just fits on so many levels and the things that we talk about on a day-to-day. So I have a feeling we have a lot to talk about, and you might have to come back a couple of times. But anyway, I'd like to introduce Kelli to everyone, to all of our listeners. Kelli, why don't you share a little bit about your background and a little bit about Devoted Daughter?
Kelli Bradley:
Okay, thank you. So, this whole, I guess the entrée for me was when my mom started to get sick. And for so many of us, this is where we start, right? Something in our family presents itself and we're faced with these decisions: My gosh, what are we gonna do? As I started to help my mom, I didn't see myself as a caregiver. I just was her daughter.
Being out in the community and helping her, what I started to see was that there were so many others just like me who were walking this path, and they weren't supported. And that's really what led me to Senior Helpers because I felt like, wow, I'm living this, and I can see that there's a huge need. There's a gap—so many people are all alone in this journey. I started researching different home care companies and different options and got involved with Senior Helpers. That was an 11-year journey.
Towards the end, I felt like people need a little bit more. They need a little bit more education. And I just didn't have the time to give to that. There’s so much responsibility with caregivers and your own business. I wanted to be able to be on a more one-on-one basis with these clients. The resources were great, but it's evolved again. And as time marches on, you start to think—wow, it's not just about the tactical piece of it. It's really about becoming. We're not broken. We're becoming. And how do we live through this?
That's where "It's Called Life" was born. It's a membership community that really is housed under the umbrella brand of The Devoted Daughter. We’re in the beginning stages of it, but it's a place for folks to come and really—a safe space for them to learn and share and really be a part of something. Because life doesn't stop when we're caregiving. We still have to live through this.
So that’s really how the journey started and how it’s evolving.
Christina Chartrand:
That's so awesome.
David Chandler:
I would love to just hear a little bit more about that personal experience with becoming a caregiver. What were some of the things that you saw, you observed, that led you into that time?
Kelli Bradley:
Just in terms of how did I get there?
David Chandler:
Yeah, your own personal experience.
Kelli Bradley:
Well, I think what's really important is I didn't identify as a caregiver. I didn't identify myself as a caregiver. It wasn't until I was five years into Senior Helpers when one of my coworkers said, "You haven’t been 100% because you're a caregiver." I'm like, "What? No, I'm a daughter."
That is a real differentiator for people because I think most people don't see themselves in that role. They don't identify as that. And it started with groceries and making sure the bills were getting paid and just coordinating things, making sure my brothers were in the loop and that things were copacetic. It wasn't a choice, but it was human.
I didn't raise my hand and say, “I want to be my mom’s caregiver through this debilitating illness.” So there was a lot of education and support required and really just rolling up your sleeves and trying to figure it out. I was super fortunate to have doctors and nurses in my own family, but most people don't have that. So for me, the journey was just—I was doing what I thought every daughter would do, not even realizing I was sleeves-up in the middle of caregiving in every way humanly possible.
Christina Chartrand:
It's so interesting that you bring this up. I personally—my mom's going to be listening to this as well—I would say I'm her, what I would call, her primary caregiver, right? So I am her caregiver. I always like to call myself a daughter first. I want to be her daughter versus... though I know the things that you're talking about. I am making sure that the bills get paid, making sure she has food in the house, and that I'm up to date on doctor's appointments. But in my heart, I still want to be her daughter. So how do you navigate that balance or help people navigate that balance?
Kelli Bradley:
Well, I think, you know, it's so easy to fall back into the God-given role of daughter, right? It's like—when did my hero start to need help to pay her bills? How did this happen? I would get flashbacks of things like—no, but this is my mom, you know? This is Ellie. She's racing all around and picking us up and doing this and that. And now she can't see?
Those are the quiet times where we can lose ourselves. We lose ourselves in the caregiving role. It just happens quietly, it lingers, and we don't even realize it's happening. So I feel like naming it—many people don’t want to call themselves a caregiver. They’ll say, “I’m not a caregiver. That’s the person we hired. I’m not a caregiver.” They don’t want to accept that.
So naming it is step one. Like, David and Chris, Kelli—we are her caregivers. We are a team.
And that—maybe I'm veering off on something else—but it just brought up another thought. When I owned my Senior Helpers franchise, it was a few years ago, but I think prior to COVID, a lot of families felt like, "We’re hiring you. We’re expecting you to come in and take care of this." Now, you really have to, on both sides of the fence—on the private duty caregiver side and on the family side—this is a partnership. This is a team effort, and it’s got to flow that way from the very beginning in order to have success.
What also happens is that the primary caregiver can lose themselves really easily in that role. They can get sucked into it, and the things you want private duty to take over—sometimes it’s like, “No, no, no, we don’t want you doing that,” or, “My mom doesn’t want you to touch her refrigerator—she’s going to lose it.” So you just have to understand your boundaries. But I think it is a working relationship, and it's built on trust. And trust is earned, not given. It doesn't happen right out of the gate. It takes time.
David Chandler:
And they need to be paid. It's a great sense of pride.
Christina Chartrand:
Yeah, I agree with—it takes time. I think it takes acceptance from the person who needs the help. That takes some time as well, to get used to a new routine, to find the balance, as you said. My mom also has a caregiver who comes into the house, so finding that balance of what she's responsible for, what I do.
Actually, you know—we've always—it's so interesting because I can say this to Kelli, because she'll totally understand. I remember training franchisees and staff members for so long and saying, “Communicate through the office, communicate through the office.” Well, you know what? I communicate directly with the caregiver, because that's the best way for me to have this conversation. I loop in the office when I need to, but... and our friend Mary did the same thing.
Kelli Bradley:
Mm-hmm.
Christina Chartrand:
So we’re like, all right, maybe we have to rethink this communication a little bit differently so that we can have exactly what you’re talking about—this working relationship. So very interesting.
Kelli Bradley:
Well, it's hard. As an owner, where I see the rub or the challenge with that is—I need to know what my folks are doing. And I’ve got to keep that in check because that's where things can unravel really quickly. My thought process is: you must inspect what you expect. So you can’t just allow people to be out running around and then never chat with them.
I’ve heard this happen in my office a million times. Someone calls in, and the person answering the phone hangs up quickly, and I’d say, “But did you ask how they were today? Did you ask how their shift was with Mrs. Smith?” Every phone call, every touch is an opportunity—an opportunity to learn, to make someone feel heard, to make them feel seen. And that starts to fade away. Even with clients, caregivers, family caregivers—you just kind of fade into the background.
David Chandler:
We hear story after story about caregiving. One that sticks out to me—we had a family caregiver one time, and I was asking them about their experience. They told me they had left their home, moved into their father-in-law’s house to care for him. She quit her job and was caring for him full-time for about two years.
During that time, she felt extremely guilty any time she stepped out of the house—even if it was just to get groceries. She said, “I would never forgive myself if something happened to him while I was gone.” So it affected her. She lost her social life, she wasn’t connecting with friends, she stopped going to her religious community. The emotional and physical toll it took on her...
So we look at this whole-person approach: mental, physical, emotional, spiritual. And I think these conversations really take us into that. I'd love to revisit The Devoted Daughter and your mission—when family caregivers come to your website or join the membership community, what is your mission there?
Kelli Bradley:
It’s really to help ensure that nobody has to do this alone. That there's a place for them. Whether someone’s just reading comments or chooses to actively participate, it’s all okay—it’s such a personal decision.
But I think it’s tough for people to engage sometimes. You have the people at the very beginning—they don’t really know what they don’t know, they’re not sure what’s coming. And then you have people in the middle—and those are the people I think I can help most. They’re starting to realize, “Wow, I do need help. There are other people just like me going through this. I’m not alone.”
Christina Chartrand:
What do you think are your number one or top couple of questions or resources that you give out on a regular basis? Where do you see the biggest needs?
Kelli Bradley:
It’s really just understanding caregiving—like, when should I get help? Or, “My parents don’t want help, but we think they need help.” I feel like the biggest mistake people make is not getting help soon enough. They usually wait for three reasons.
First, they don’t identify as caregivers. Whatever they're doing right now is kind of working. It’s not great, but it’s holding together—kids, neighbors, spouses, whatever.
Second, it takes really uncomfortable conversations. And we don’t like to be uncomfortable—no one does.
Third, they wait so long that they're just over it. They’re exhausted and say, “It’s time for Dad to move. I can’t do this anymore.” So now they’re making decisions out of frustration.
It’s a phased approach. And that’s one of the biggest challenges—people don’t know how to make it work and balance their own lives.
Christina Chartrand:
Do you find that people also have difficulty around the healthcare system—not understanding where they can go, their primary care, understanding the different medications that they're on, understanding the actual disease that their family member has? Do you run into that?
Kelli Bradley:
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, even my brother’s a physician, and he’s like—people come in, and we ask them what they’re taking. They say, “I don’t know, whatever my wife tells me to take.” They don’t know!
In the state of Oregon, we’re allowed to do supervised tasks of nursing and medication management—which is different in every state. I would encourage people, if they’re seeking help, to understand what services can be offered in their particular state.
In Oregon, medication management was the number one error I saw in my business. And we were very transparent about it. If a caregiver made a mistake, we called the doctor and said, “This was a mistake. It happened. It was a med error.” We documented all of it. You just can’t mess around with that stuff, right?
David Chandler:
Right.
Kelli Bradley:
But people are very confused by it. And trying to manage that piece of it—as a provider, as a home care provider—is really challenging. But I think as family members, it's also challenging because they’re not in the home.
One of the things that happens so often is people use those pill containers—you know, the pop pill boxes—but they don’t keep control samples of medications, and they don’t keep accurate lists. So we had a constant challenge with caregivers: “You have to double-check what’s in the pill box against the list.” And they’d say, “Oh, the person before me just did it.” And I’d say, “But what if they spilled the whole box and someone put it back wrong?” No one thinks about that stuff.
It’s the little things sometimes. The devil’s in the details. I mean, think about taking the wrong medication and ending up in the ER—that starts a whole cycle. It’s hard on the individual, the family, our healthcare system. It’s financially difficult. And the hospital is not a great place to be. Hospitals make mistakes.
Christina Chartrand:
Go on.
Kelli Bradley:
How do we make sure that piece of it is handled? That’s another big one for me—preparing for the hospital. I’m in the ER with my mom—now what do I do? Because you get admitted, and not all the information from the ER transfers to the floor. It’s a whole communication issue, and people are just exhausted from it.
David Chandler:
Thanks for sharing.
Kelli Bradley:
And the hospital teams are exhausted too, because they’re short-staffed. Advocacy is vital.
David Chandler:
Do you have any stories—success stories? I love hearing stories. There’s a lot of power in stories. Anybody that comes to mind who has come through The Devoted Daughter or It’s Called Life, or even from your time with Senior Helpers, that just jumps out as a “Wow, I really love that we got to help this person” kind of moment?
Kelli Bradley:
This is a Senior Helpers story, but I’ll never forget it. It’s just one of those things.
I went to meet with a woman. I arrived at her home—there were newspapers stacked on the door, it looked very disheveled from the outside. She was living downstairs, and it was filthy—stacks of stuff everywhere. Her grandson was living upstairs and was supposed to be looking after her. She was blind and just trying to navigate this space. There was feces on the wall. It was very bad—very, very bad. The bed was a rat’s nest.
I just thought, “I have to help her. I’ve got to figure this out.”
Christina Chartrand:
Yeah.
Kelli Bradley:
So I got two caregivers over there and we just started working through it. Not to take over—because I think this is an important point—you can’t take over someone’s life. You have to be respectful. It’s their home, their space. I wasn’t there to judge. But in this circumstance, it was a health and safety issue, so that’s a little different.
She was an avid reader, had worked for the phone company for years, super smart and interesting. She went from not really being able to get out of her chair to—three months in—having caregivers fighting to work with her. It was 24-hour care. She could walk to the mailbox. She could get in the car to go to doctor’s appointments. I mean—yay! It was such a win.
Christina Chartrand:
I’m dead.
Kelli Bradley:
And she was so proud of herself. Sometimes with a little care and a little love and a little tenderness, people can thrive.
Christina Chartrand:
Yeah, just getting a new routine down, making some changes, and showing what you can do. That can totally change things. It’s amazing. Really awesome.
Can you tell us a little bit about how our listeners could learn more about your organization?
Kelli Bradley:
Yeah—well, you can find me at thedevoteddaughter.com, and my socials are all there. You can also jump into the membership community, It’s Called Life. Our slogan is “Alive, a little undone, and still devoted!” And that’s at skool.com/itscalledlife. I think that link will be in the show notes as well.
Christina Chartrand:
Okay.
David Chandler:
Thank you.
Christina Chartrand:
That’s awesome! In that space, are there planned opportunities where people can talk about things, as well as have access to resources? What does it look like once you join?
Kelli Bradley:
Yeah, it’s really a neat platform. It’s very private. It’s different than a Facebook group. You do have to join—but it’s free to join.
There are conversations happening, similar to a Facebook feed. Then there are classrooms—right now, there are several classrooms available with all kinds of information. We’ve touched on medication management—there’s a whole video on that. There are videos on transfers, interviews with an attorney about trusts and wills, an interview with my brother who’s an orthopedic surgeon—he talks about the importance of having a primary care doctor, and more.
The space will continue to evolve, and I’m open to conversations and topics that people are looking for. There’s also inspiration there—because I think a lot of people just need a place to belong. A place to be okay. If they need the information, they can access it. But first, they just need that safe space.
Christina Chartrand:
I love that. I love that. I think that is so awesome. I'm really excited about it. And I'm actually—once we get off these podcasts—I’m going to join. It just sounds really exciting. And it sounds like such a great resource that you can tap into at any time. Like when you're having a day, or you're looking for something. That’s what’s so nice—you’ve got a go-to place, instead of just trying to Google it, right?
Kelli Bradley:
And I see it also evolving for professional folks as well. Because one of the things that happens is—you only have so much time with a doctor, right? And then you leave, and you think, “But I didn’t ask about this,” or “What about that?”
So I think this is a resource for healthcare professionals who are busy and want to say to their clients or patients, “Hey, this is a great free resource for you. You might want to check it out.”
David Chandler:
Thank you. I think it’s a great connection.
Do you have any—since we’re wrapping up—parting advice for family caregivers?
Kelli Bradley:
I think just what we touched on earlier: Don’t wait until the crisis happens.
And that’s just so hard, because we’re all busy with our lives. So it’s like, “Mom and Dad are fine. We’re not going to borrow any trouble. Everything’s good right now.” Let’s not upset the apple cart, because we’re all good. But really...
Christina Chartrand:
It’s so true. You know, one of the things I recommend to people is the good day/bad day equation. They’ll say, “Well, they had a bad day, but then they had two good days,” or “three good days, and then a bad day.” If you have more than one bad day—or even one bad day—in a two-week period, it’s time to start looking around and seeing what’s going on.
Because by the time they’re at that crisis mode, there are more bad days than good days.
Kelli Bradley:
There absolutely are. And the other thing I see a lot is—it's a health and safety thing. Just like we were talking about with Nan a minute ago. The house was filthy. You can’t have good medical care or good healthcare in a home setting if you don’t have health and safety managed.
We hear about all these resources that are going to be available to people, but it’s like—if we don’t have the foundation set, we can’t do it. If the person doesn’t have food, clean water, clean sheets, a shower—we can’t deliver the kind of care at home that people deserve.
David Chandler:
Kelli, before we wrap up, I had one last question: What is the future? What do you see on the horizon for The Devoted Daughter and It’s Called Life? Is there new education coming? New programs? What do you see in the near future?
Christina Chartrand:
This was so awesome. Go ahead, David.
Kelli Bradley:
Sure.
Christina Chartrand:
That's a good one.
Kelli Bradley:
Well, think about this—there are 53 million unpaid caregivers in the U.S. That’s a lot of folks. So it’s going to keep growing. And I really think the sky’s the limit.
My thought process is—this isn’t an AARP-type deal. This is a community. And if we can build a community around this and expand into other microsystems—whether that’s the healthcare system, corporations that could include this as a benefit to their employees—think about how many employees are family caregivers. They’re silent in that role. Their bosses don’t know it. No one knows. They’re just silently working a part-time job and a full-time job—20 hours a week helping their parents.
So I think there’s a lot of possibility here.
Christina Chartrand:
Yeah.
I agree. I agree. All right. Well, it was awesome. Thank you so much.
David Chandler:
Yeah.
Kelli Bradley:
Thanks, you guys.
David Chandler:
Kelli, you are doing amazing work, and we’re so appreciative of you—and the work that you're doing. And also appreciative that you took some time to join us today to share more so we could glean from your wisdom and your experiences. So thank you so much.
Kelli Bradley:
Well, thank you. Good to chat with you. Nice to see you, Christina.
Christina Chartrand:
Good to see you.
Kelli Bradley:
All right. Take care, you guys.
David Chandler:
All right, well—everyone, catch us on our next episode of LIFE Conversations. We’ll talk to you soon.
